A Bad Day
by RedJam
Summary: Many things can make a bad day. It can be traffic, work,or maybe even people. But you know what making my day horrible? Being fucking reborn as a OC! My first non-shitpost.
1. A Horrible Fucking day

**_This is going to be horrible. Also, I'm back from like two days. Biggest hiatus ever._**

 ** _—A Line—_**

Today, I was having a good day. When I was driving to work their wasn't any jackasses honking their fucking horns, at work their was no annoying customers going "I'm a dumb fuck and have a IQ of 7", and then the best part of the day, I got to buy some all purpose rope! Fucking finally! I can get to hang my self and go to the maybe non-existence hell! But then some dick decided "I'm gonna run this red light!" and smashed into me and now I'm dead. What's next? Turned into a shitty OC self-insert?

"Where the hell is this place?" I said as I opened my eyes into the surprisingly-not-hurting-my-eyes whiteness. "You're in the rebirth zone" said a slightly smug mysterious voice. "Oh cool the rebirth zone... wait REBIRTH!" "NONONONONONO I FUCKING WANTED TO HANG MYSELF FOR A REASON" I started screaming completely ignoring the might be god voice, but then I realized some thing " OH FUCK IM TURNING INTO A OC AREN'T I?!" I then started to panic again, I know I'm so fucking majestic. While I was panicking beautify, a figure popped into existence and guess what they did...yep they fucking backhanded me, what a dick. Anyways, back to story.

"AH! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" I oh so eloquently said. "I'm a person of high level then you" said the fuckbo-uh mysterious being yeah."So are you gonna like slap to the next dimension and I get reborn?" Accepting my fate of being not dead. The dick said nothing as they walked up to me "uhh what are you doing?" Still nothing "If you're gonna teleport me then tell me ya fat cunt" The fuck is now infront of me. Annddd yep god damn bitchslaped me into the next realm. I just hope I get gamer powers to make this shit easier, or maybe not in a fucking world with a shit ton of problems. Wonder if I'll become a furry?

 ** _—Dank Joke—_**

 ** _Well this seems less shit then my shitposts, doesn't mean you can't flame me as hard. As my great great grandfather's great great grandson said:"fLaMe mE hArDeR dAdDy"_**


	2. Hero has been Named!

**_Well our unnamed hero is back. Will his name be edgy? Will he have a op semblance? Will this be a gamer fic? Who knows and who cares._**

 ** _-DAB-_**

After getting bitchslaped to the next dimension, I see, hmmm let's see... trees, bushes, plants, grass, and animals. I think it's a forest, I mean I don't think forests have glowing red eyes in their bushes, but that doesn't matter. Now lets see what I got right now that the maybe gods have gifted me. Alright a basic shortsword, which means fighting. Damnit, I wanted a peaceful world not to stab shit. Wait. Stabbing stuff sound great, never mind I'm glad, thanks higher level beings! Alright enough slightly psychotic thoughts let's see what I'm wearing, because if I'm wear some dumb shit like a bunny suit I will hang myself.

Ok, it's just a normal black shirt, pants, shoes, socks, and jacket. Huh, I guess I do wear a lot of black. Back to finding some stuff, I found a wallet with some plastic cards? And a ID card. The ID cards has your basic stuff: Date of birth, race (which was something called Faunus?), and a name. Using my detective skills, this is my wallet and my new name which was Jakeup Red. I never fucking knew that my memeing of misspelling Jacob was actually going to be my new fucking name, Dear fucking god why? The last name even fit!

Now back to solving what in the fuck is the plastic cards, but first I have to investigate that annoying growling in the bush with the glowy red eyes. Drawing the shortsword in a basic two handed stance I learned because of anime, because that's a legit source for fighting stances. Slowly walking towards that bush, I stop because I realized 'wait plastic cards where money should be and Faunas... aw fuck that's a Beowol- ***Shink*** AW FUCK THAT HURTS LIKE DEEPTHROTHING DICK! Great slashed at by a fucking beowolf on my left arm on the first damn day, while withering on the ground in pain, the beowolf walks (prowls?) above me ready to kill me like a wolf would a prey. What did you expect? Like a car? Well after stop caring that I'm dying, Adrenaline activated and I did a roll saying the majestic words "OH SHIT!" Grabbing my sword and getting into my shit stance, I mean how hard can it be? It's fucking swish swish stab stab, not fucking rocket science. But I have an arm very much injured and a wolf on fucking steroids. I could dab on the fucker, but I don't think my lord and savior Jake Paul can save me here.

So using my brain that is the same size as a Rick and Morty fan, I run like a bitch. I'm fucking happy I took track in high school because I took off like a bullet that has died and is obese, so pretty fast. As the fucker is chasing me, I used bush! It's surprisingly effective! "I feel like this is plot armor.." Whispered, guess who? Yes it was fucking me, and no I'm not trying to increase my word count! Back to the shit, I sneak out of the magic bush with my sword, bleeding a lot. Walking up behind the sniffing fuck, I used BackSlash! It's effective again! Beowolf has Fainted!-oh wait no it died. It also dropped some lien (aka the plastic cards)somehow. Isn't that supposed to be a gamer thing? **_"Yes, but their was a error so you only got like 15% of the powers"_** said that fuckboi who bitchslaped me.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed _" **Calm your self ya dumb fuck, or else I'll bitchslap you again"** I calmed down soon after. "_Now can you tell me what fucking magic power I have?" I questioned _**"Well you see, we tried to give you gamer powers, but it didn't work and you only got like four abilities"** _Answered the mysterious voice of magic. I then asked "Well, what the hell did i get?" the magic thing (No assuming genders kids) answered _**"Well, you got the inventory, drops, and you get some slight extra growth"**_ "That's all? I feel like the slight increased growth is a excuse for a op OC..." I say disappointed. The cool cool kid agreed with me, well now this interesting information, I start trying to find you know a city or town for some food and stuffs, and a idea for what the hell will I fucking do? Will I go to the dark side? Good side? My own side of fucking around? Who fucking cares.

 _ **-JAKEPAULERSARETHESTROGESTARMYOUTTHERE-**_

 _ **Well our shit 'hero' has been named and has 'conflicting' ideas for which side he should take! Also WHAT FUCKING FURRY IS HE?**_

 _ **These should be longer.**_


	3. Our Hero 'gets' his Weapon!

**_This takes way to long to write shit.+10 respect for writers. Also thanks one person, I'm to lazy to check your name._**

 ** _Magic Fuckboi Voice "Ay yo wagwan Piffton"_**

A normal person "Ay yo Wagwan Piffton"

 ** _-EVERYDAYBRO-_**

Well, after awhile, I realized "Wait, why the hell I'm I not bleeding again?", and then the voice again appeared and answered _**"Well, because I couldn't get you some gamer powers I decided: Why not unlock your aura? and I did"**_ *Awkward Silence* _**"Well, goodbye"**_ "Good bye m8" After that amazing talk, answering all my questions, I again realized:"Fuck, What Fauns Am I? Wait I can just touch my head. Duh dumbfuck..." and I did, I was a Rabbit Fauns. Don't know what that means, but ok that mean better kicks and shit right? Anyways, back to what I found traveling. I found a tiny place called Vale, don't think you've heard of it before. Jokes asides _**(AN:**_ _ **Surprising right?)**_ it was a beautiful place. SIKE it was fucking normal, it was like a normal city, nothing special about it.

Now because I needed a good weapon, that's a gun of course, I went to the nearest blacksmith. It was called : Smith's Shitty Smith, a good name I say. I went inside, it was basic small shop with the main colors being purple."Hey there!" said the man at the counter. "Oh! uhhh, hi there" I said surprised, and the counter man said "The name's Smith, here to order something?". Wait I need to describe him right? Yeah ok, he was a man, he had hair that was purple, and he was tall. Back to weapons. "Oh yeah! Can I get a one sided sword with that can transform into a handcannon,?" I asked, and he responded with "Do you mean literality or figuratively?" "Figuratively" I answered back " Anything else?" Smith asked "Hmmm The sheath can become a pimp ca- I mean a bat" I remembered "Ok then, I'll be back with you in a couple of days" Well, that was the most normal and boring conversation I have ever had. I probably should've been more specific, but I'm to lazy to walk back in there. I just hope it comes back as I wanted it to.

Well, first objective done. Time for number two: WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT! aka: Am I after canon or before it? Now, to find out how is pretty easy: Absolutely ignore everything and just train as hard as you can, and see if any plot events happen. I know, a great and no risk way of finding the damn time. Lets see if that 'Increased growth' will help...

 _ **-I would write more, but I'm lazy-**_

 _ **Oh man our 'hero' is going to get his weapon! Also, man does he have a great plan! Guess what path I'll force the fucker to go on: Before canon, after canon, or during canon. Oh yeah. Will the weapons be shit?**_


	4. A Timeskip and a New Weapon for our Hero

_**Sorry for not posting anything in a while. I don't know what else to put here, so go review or something? Uhhh like and subscribe?**_

 _ **-INFO-**_

Well, it has been one week since getting to Vale.(Oh no! A time skip!) Since then, a few things happened. First, I found the the time in the most dumb way. I looked up Weiss's age on meh scroll(Found it in my pocket. Convenient right?) and it was 16. I forgot to look at the DOB, sooooo uh it might be a month until beacon starts, but I'm hoping it's a year so I have more time to do whatever the fuck I'm going to do. Second, I tried to find a job, but I'm a Fanus so racism and stuff, so it was really hard to get a real job. So I didn't. I did some basic stuff like stealing and other things. What? Just because I'm most likely the main character doesn't mean I have to have high morals. Well, after getting a 'steady' source of income, I decided to go and train. Was I supposed to get a house? Nah, racism still pretty high in Vale. Wonder how bad the racism in Atlas is?

 _ ***Meanwhile in Atlas***_

"OH GOD MY LUNGS! THEY'RE FULL OF DUST! OH GOD THE PAIN OF ASPHYXIATION! IT'S TO MUCH, I WOULD RATHER DIE BY PICKAXE THEN THIS!" The poor fanus then kill them self with a pickaxe as the Scheen security guards watched. Other fanus watched in horror as the poor fanus bled with dull eyes. At another area, a fanus was getting tortured at a Atlus army camp for 'fun' and 'training'

 _ ***Back to Jakeup***_

Eh, they're probably fine. Anyways, something interesting happened at the gym I went to train at. You see, a guy decided to be a major fuckboi and walked in front of me with his gangbang group and said in a totally not condescending voice "Hey, what up you fucking freak. How are you even here? Shouldn't you be trying to even find a job?" And well, he made some very major mistakes.

1\. I'm a fucking rabbit furry-I mean fanus, meaning much stronger kicks

2\. I have some low morals

3\. I really don't care too much about the 'bro code'

So, I kicked him in the dick. As hard as I could, he definitely deserved it. He was being a fuckboi, so he got a kick to the dick. After that very major event, I gain two things: infamy+10 and the peace of no other fuckbois coming to be racist cunts. It was great. I also learned somethings about my aura.

1\. Holy fuck does my stamina increase. Like seriously, I could workout for about 3 hours straight then take a 5 minute break and be back to working out again. It's fucking OP. Like come on, why the fuck don't the main characters just workout constantly?

2\. Holy fuck it really increases all your physical abilities a shit ton. One day I can barely lift 25 pounds without pulling a muscle and only carrying it a millimeter off the ground, now I can fucking do it like I'm a world class bodybuilder. What the fuck?

But who knows, maybe my aura pulls a Gary Sue and it really damn huge, or very effective at its job. Hell, it could be my semblance. Hell if I know. Now, enough of the whole 'Aura OP as fuck!' thing and go back to the recap.

Wait, the recap's done. Well, back to the present. Right now, I'm walking back to 'Smith's Shitty Smith' to get my very unspecific sword-gun-bat thing, I don't know. Oh yeah, during the week we traded some dank weed-Scroll numbers, and he messaged me to come over to get my weapon. Don't know how he would make a decent weapon out of my very unspecific request, but who knows, maybe he has magic powers. Well, I arrived at his shop, the little dumb bell he installed ringing. "Ah! I be coming over as soon as I can! I have to prepare a order another customer has made!" Smith said in a cheery voice fit for a clerk. "It's me, Jakeup ya dumbass!" I called back. "Oh! I'm getting your order! Trust me!" Replied Smith. I really didn't trust him from the smash's and crashs coming from the back, but that doesn't matter.

Anyways, he came up to the front counter where I was(duh)and put my brand new weapon on the counter. Now, I'm no professional, hell, I'm a suicidal millennial. But the sword seemed pretty high quality. Not 'OH MY FUCKING GOD! THIS WEAPON WILL LAST MY ENTIRE LIFETIME AND I WILL SLAY GODS WITH THIS!' no, that at all. But it probably could cut and shank a lot of things.(I will definitely do the shanking part a lot) Like a normal broke millennial, I ask "How much?" and "How long will it last?" and thankfully, Smith replied with "Umm. I forgot the materials, but I know It's pretty high quality! Will probably last maybe 3-5 years maybe" considering the fact most hunters die pretty young, it seemed pretty good. "Answer my other question. How much?" I ask again. "Geez geez.. relax a bit" he says.. intimidated? Nervous? I don't know what the emotion is, but who cares. " I think I should worry, when my fucking life will be on the line if or if not my sword goes swish swish stab stab on the dumb steroid wolf attacks me!" I say very quickly and panicked, because well ya know... getting arm almost sliced off by a beowolf? "Yeah yeah, what ever... it's 10k" he nonchalantly says. Ignoring the high price as best I can, I ask "Doesn't that last years against the fucking **e** **nemy of humanity**? Why the fuck does it cost so little?" I mean it is a lot, but considering the fact it can kill giant **1,000 ton** elephants and I can steal roughly about maybe 10-100 lien per average privileged human. (Sounds weird to say that...) Though it's really based on the time I have to pay for the weapon. "So you want me to increase the price?" he said sarcastically. Kinda strange he changes personality so often. One moment he's cheery, then another moment he's sarcastic. Eh. Doesn't matter, back to the conversation. "You're my first customer, of course you're getting a 75% off deal" he retorted "Huh, cool. When do I have to pay?" "In the next six months." "Cool." and that's how the entire conversation went, cool right?

Well, that ended the overall interesting events that day. The rest of the day was just: rest, steal, repeat until night, sleep in alleyway. Next day I'll probably go ahead and 'hunt' some Grimm, and by hunt I mean stab 40 times then run and repeat. Hope this weapon will work...wait, FUCK I forgot to test my new awesome stab stab machine that defies all know laws of aviation a bee cannot fly- I mean all know laws of physics!

I hope the next day won't be _a bad day_.

 ** _-GET IT? IT'S A TITLE INSERT. YYYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHHH *BANG*-_**

 ** _Well this took way too long to come out. Oh yeah here's a horrible omake, don't know why I thought of it._**

 ** _Title: THE GREATEST ARMY OUT THERE_**

It was the end... finally, It's time to kill Salem! The bitch killed Pyrrha, Penny, and some other characters that I don't remember. (Dummer? Cummer?) I left the main squad the the author forced me to meet due to the fact he's sucky at making OCs, I'm literally evidence. Anyways, it's time to kill her. I use all my skill in stabbing, swishing, slashing, and other totally cool sword moves that the author didn't search up on google! Salem kept on dodging all my attack, taunting me about all my failures. Like uhhhhhh, fuck I'm a OC I don't have any flaws. I guess she just taunted me, making me rage harder then a tryhard player (very hard) causing me to use my ultimate strategy that I promised I never use to a very important character, but due to the fact the author can't even remember the drama he created a chapter ago. It won't matter and only affects how dramatic and cool this attack sound! Well, I activated my attack by doing the forbidden technique: **DABBING HARD LIKR A JAKE PAULER.** This technique cause a giant dabbing emoji portal to pop up with millions of Jake Paulers coming out of it all screaming the lyrics to the godly song: **IT'S EVERYDAY BRO.** Salem was surprised, but then she countered with summoning all the LOGANG members into the shape of a giant Logan Paul. The Jake Paulers though knew that the taller they are the harder they fall. So instead of turning into a giant Jake Paul, we all knew to defeat this fight that would be significant in the Paul War we would have to all dab together on this hater! So, like the Luigi clones in dream team, we all pile on top of the Logan Paul and dab on him **HARD** causing the Logan Paul to fall and return to its dimension. Salem died from summoning such a powerful thing. When the Jake Pauler army realized their job was done, they walk back though the dabbing emoji portal and said bye by saying "IT'S EVERYDAY BRO!" I watched them leave with a tear in my eye.

 ***POV change to 3rd***

After the Jake Paulers left, his Team 10 shirt started to shimmer like a illusion and turned into a gold foil ME ME BIG BOI shirt.

 ** _To be continued..._**

 ** _-ok-_**

 ** _Nice omake right? Well, that almost 1.6k words in one chapter! A new record! not that impressive though... Whatever I got shitposting AND a story! wait that's just a crack fic with plot... fuck. Oh yeah. Also why Smith knows what to do with Jakeup's weapon has to do with his semblance. Oh, the words are in the 1.7k because of this AN... cool. Also, some dumb grammar mistakes might appear due to the fact of autocorrect and fanfiction won't allow me to put spaces between each letter apparently._**


End file.
